Sep 7

Sep 7 i can still do a handstand

Generally I love to talk. But lately I don’t feel like it so much.

It feels exhausting and a waste of time. When I would have filled uncomfortable silences with chatter, presently I don’t have the motivation for it.

But it might be just a phase.

I’ve also (mostly) stopped judging myself in retrospect. Do you ever do that? Mull over a conversation or how you acted at some social engagement. Maybe cringe? Maybe wish you could eat your words?

This feeling still comes up, but then the feeling that overrides it is, ah so what. It’s done. It’s said. That’s that. So what if so and so thinks I’m a dill. I’m ok with that.

Which raises an important question - is it ‘ok’ or ‘okay’. I’m an ‘ok’ kind of person, but lately I wonder if ‘okay’ is better. Hrm. Maybe I haven’t stopped second-guessing myself afterall.

The chickens hatched a couple of days ago. Bang on their due date. The boys and I crossed the days off the calendar impatiently, and today had a big 21 in a circle… I went down to the chicken coop not really expecting to find anything, but there they were five little fluff balls – all different colours. And a little while later there was another one - still wet behind the ears and wobbly. A completely new little being. So exciting.

But also a bit unexpectedly concerning. I looked down at those fragile little fuzz balls and felt responsible for taking the actions to bring them into the world. Not literally obviously, but I did purchase them from a farm and put them under my clucky hen who has no rooster and therefore no way of making her own babies. So she’s a surrogate I guess you could say.

If I hadn't have meddled in the lives of those eggs, they might have ended up poached, fried or scrambled. An instant gratification for a twinge of hunger. Instead they transformed into living breathing entities with lives stretching out before them.

Will they be happy? Will they get eaten by something? Will I accidentally step on one and squash it to death? Let's hope not. I have been very clumsy lately.

On the other hand the surrogate mother hen has been making the happiest mother hen noises, so you could say my actions have allowed her to actualise her full potential.

And today I did a handstand for the first time in a long time. I didn’t know if I still could, but I can so I’m feeling pleased.

Because I’m noticing little lines and occasional grey hairs, and my right clavicle feels kind of jammed. So it’s good to know that whilst I may be getting older I can still do a handstand, and that’s important I think.